Monday, 12 October 2009

What Can I Do To Save My Marriage?

By Sarah Lindahl

The natural expression of love, and its natural progression, is marriage. We have a celebration and profess vows promising faithfulness to our spouse in sickness and in health, in good times and bad. Of course we intend to fulfill those vows when they are professed, and we believe there is nothing that could keep us from fulfilling them. Come what may, we will be together 'til death do us part'. But once you settle into married life, the romantic love fades and eventually you wonder 'is there any way to save my marriage'.

The short answer is a resounding 'yes'. In fact, there are a number of options to try depending on your situation. Marriages are saved, and lost love rekindled, every day. You may feel your situation is beyond hope. Perhaps you have felt the sting of ultimate betrayal, such as adultery, or perhaps you have betrayed your spouse and now regret it. Whatever your situation, there is hope. You are not alone. To save your marriage, you need guidance on what to do and what not to do during the reconciliation process. Your desire to repair your marriage, and not have it end in separation or divorce, is why you are reading this article in the first place.

Your marriage is somewhere in the relationship life cycle, which has six stages:

1. Romance and infatuation

2. After the honeymoon

3. Staking your territories

4. Evaluation

5. Reconnection

6. Commitment

You are likely in stage 4 right now, and you may be asking yourself why you married your spouse in the first place. Would married life would be easier with somebody else. This is a challenging time since you realize your dream is over. The romantic feelings and passionate love from the honeymoon stage have vanished. While this is normal, it is still emotionally painful. Intimacy, especially sexual intimacy, can seem a distant memory and one or both of you may even contemplate an affair. Resist such a temptation. Think of the vows you professed and then learn the skills to help you reconnect with your spouse. This stage can be a struggle, but is also has the greatest reward. Ensure you are well equipped for this process with the appropriate skills, so your marriage does not end up as another marriage statistic.

Problems commonly encountered include: what if my spouse does not want to try to salvage our relationship, how do I get past hurt feelings, can we ever trust each other again? Be careful at this stage. If you are asking for forgiveness, begging for it or making promises about changing may not be received graciously. Try putting yourself in their shoes. On the other hand, are you capable of forgiveness and what conditions would you impose? Trying for the quick fix is the really just a quick path to more of the same. Marriage difficulties do not develop right away, and they cannot be fixed right way. The process takes time. However, acquiring the skills and tools to reconnect, and even transform your marriage, will make the process shorter, and you will know the answer to your question 'what can I do to save my marriage'?

About the Author:

No comments:

Post a Comment