The genders talk in basic ways that are different, obviously. For example, women will communicate many times just to connect with their partner. Men prefer to communicate to make needed points and to solve problems.
Clearly this can cause problems in relationships. We can end up arguing or not feeling heard. So understanding more of your talking style and your mate's can help further intimacy between you.
Speaking in generalities, a basic male communication style is to take charge and make points in a conversation. Men are territorial by instinct, and this shows up in conversation. They may interrupt more, try to make points, and then argue or try to convince people that their points are correct.
Also, men like to problem solve. It is the hunter killer instinct. If there is a deer and you need meat, you have to kill the deer. If there is a problem, then you have to kill the problem. You have to solve it if you can. So men like to identify problems (the boss sucks, your sister is a mess) and then, whenever possible, offer solutions (you should get a new job, your should tell your sister to stop being a doormat). Just note that men don't have to have good solutions, but they will offer them up.
On the other hand, a basic female talking style is to connect and consider things. Sure, women can solve problems. But often they communicate as a way to connect and think out loud. They don't wait to talk til they've got a problem and solution. They don't need to get somewhere in the conversation.
So women will share about the boss sucks, then say but the boss has been having a hard time with their marriage. They are sharing their intimate thought processes. Yes, they think the boss sucks. And yes, they relate it to the boss may suck because of marriage problems. They are connecting with their mate, sharing their inner process, not trying to hurry to a resolution. They can be more circular and considered.
This style often drives men nuts. Saying the boss sucks is good, they are with you. The deer is identified. Saying the boss is having love problems is irrelevant. You don't need to know the deer is having relationship issues to kill it! Just shoot the darn deer by quitting your job.
There is ton more to this, but if you can understand talking in a linear way to get points across and identify and kill off problems, you can understand a lot of male communication. And if you can appreciate a woman often likes to talk to share and reflect and connect, you can understand a lot of female communication. A great thing to do is to try to communicate in your partners talking style from time to time and see what happens!
Clearly this can cause problems in relationships. We can end up arguing or not feeling heard. So understanding more of your talking style and your mate's can help further intimacy between you.
Speaking in generalities, a basic male communication style is to take charge and make points in a conversation. Men are territorial by instinct, and this shows up in conversation. They may interrupt more, try to make points, and then argue or try to convince people that their points are correct.
Also, men like to problem solve. It is the hunter killer instinct. If there is a deer and you need meat, you have to kill the deer. If there is a problem, then you have to kill the problem. You have to solve it if you can. So men like to identify problems (the boss sucks, your sister is a mess) and then, whenever possible, offer solutions (you should get a new job, your should tell your sister to stop being a doormat). Just note that men don't have to have good solutions, but they will offer them up.
On the other hand, a basic female talking style is to connect and consider things. Sure, women can solve problems. But often they communicate as a way to connect and think out loud. They don't wait to talk til they've got a problem and solution. They don't need to get somewhere in the conversation.
So women will share about the boss sucks, then say but the boss has been having a hard time with their marriage. They are sharing their intimate thought processes. Yes, they think the boss sucks. And yes, they relate it to the boss may suck because of marriage problems. They are connecting with their mate, sharing their inner process, not trying to hurry to a resolution. They can be more circular and considered.
This style often drives men nuts. Saying the boss sucks is good, they are with you. The deer is identified. Saying the boss is having love problems is irrelevant. You don't need to know the deer is having relationship issues to kill it! Just shoot the darn deer by quitting your job.
There is ton more to this, but if you can understand talking in a linear way to get points across and identify and kill off problems, you can understand a lot of male communication. And if you can appreciate a woman often likes to talk to share and reflect and connect, you can understand a lot of female communication. A great thing to do is to try to communicate in your partners talking style from time to time and see what happens!
About the Author:
You can learn much more about this in the free course 7 Vital Relationship Insights You Never Learned In School at Get True Love Relationship Advice. Johnnie S Laney teaches emotional intelligence courses and you can get more here Relationship Help Secrets.
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