Wednesday, 8 July 2009

Marital Affairs Have Many Underlying Causes

By Sabrina Summerfield

Marital affairs have devastating effects on the people involved. People get too settled into their relationships to watch for signs of dissatisfaction and neglect. The results of an affair are deep and intense. Betrayal isn't easy to handle, and many lives have been ruined beyond repair with one instance of cheating.

Many unpleasant emotions arise due to extra marital affairs. If caught unaware, the first may be disbelief, then shock, then jealousy and rage. Later humiliation and despair may set in, and depression may soon follow. It be-littles a partner when they lose value in your eyes. They feel inadequate and helpless.

Marriage is a sacred trust. No-one should have to worry about their spouse ever having an extra-marital affair. There's no freedom in that way of life, only bondage and mental anguish. And when searching for answers as to why, they can be many fold, and some not even thought of.

Drinking has always been an instigator of marital affairs. But do they drink in order to have the affair, to dull their emotions until they can commit the act, or is it an underlying problem they brought with them that stems from their childhood?

The questions begin to arise, about what could have been done differently to avoid this. Is there some attention in a certain area that they needed that I missed, or are they simply bored and tired of this marriage? It' really difficult to nail down the exact reason for the violation.

A marital affair devalues your spouse in a way that reaches deep into their being. They feel less of a person because they had been seeing themselves through your eyes as a good loving companion and best friend. This betrayal rips that status right off of them, leaving them hollow and demeaned.

Once the intimacy has been lost, it's extremely difficult to ever get back. The visions of their partner doing things with someone else are constantly there in bed with you. Even after years of trying, with successful faithfulness, the affair will loom heavily in your spouse's heart and mind.

Many times one of them in their own way, keeps sending messages that they need something in a certain area, only to have that misread or dismissed continually. This drives a wedge between them, and the intimacy begins to wane, as this problem needs to be corrected for the one who has the need. That's why openness is so crucial to a successful marriage.

Communication is the strongest weapon in the fight for a successful marriage. By openly and honestly communicating your feelings to each other, you have the information you need to become a giver, and to help your mate with their needs. This should happen on both sides.

But resorting to a marital affair is the worst way to get your needs met. But it usually happens after one stops listening to the other, and ignores the problem thinking they should deal with it, or it will simply go away. Time festers wounds until they hurt so bad people turn to wherever they can to make it feel better. Don't ignore your partner. Be a good listener, and a talker as well.

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