We all know about the pain that goes with not having a lover. We feel alone, we feel like something isn't right, we feel a loss. Yes, we're all right by ourselves, but we want a partner. It hurts not to have one in our lives in various ways.
Then when we finally find a mate that pain goes away. We feel whole, happy, fulfilled in a deep emotional way. We are in what can be called the honeymoon phase of a relationship, the first few months when it's all wonderful. That pain of not being in a relationship has gone away.
But something interesting happens as we leave the honeymoon phase. Some pain returns. Because the next phase of relationship, the me/us period, requires us to get back to our own lives some, to separate from our mate a bit and focus on our own goals and interests, not just doing things with our partner. The second phase of relationship is about balancing relationship needs with personal needs like career or spending time with same sex friends.
In the me/us phase, we still love our mate. But perhaps they seem to be too distant, and we might start to feel unloved. Or perhaps they seem too clingy, and we start to feel smothered. Maybe they start to show up for us like they need too much space, or they are too uncommunicative. Issues arise, small or large between us.
Here's something nobody ever told us. Sure, there's pain in not having a partner, but there is also pain in being in a relationship. And none of us can escape it, there is some pain in just being in a relationship!
We tend to idealize relationships because of the honeymoon phase. We think we should always feel so loved and loving and at one with our mate. But that phase doesn't last. It cant last. A relationship isn't meant to be the source of all our happiness and love. There are other journeys in life we must take.
So understand this insight: there will be pain in your relationship. It might be light pain, like wondering if your mate truly loves you anymore, or it may be sharp pain, like fighting and arguing. It might be a low ache, like feeling lonely inside your relationship, or a harsh slap, like feeling rejected by your partner.
To start with, understand that pain comes with any intimate relationship. If you are feeling the pain of loneliness or the pang of worrying about your choice in mate, it's all right. No need to run. No need to go have an affair or end your relationship. Because another relationship will have pain too.
So if you can allow the pains that arise in your relationship to be okay, if you don't run or blame your mate for all the pain, then you can grow through the pain. You can mature. Because a great relationship will have some pain along with the joy.
Then when we finally find a mate that pain goes away. We feel whole, happy, fulfilled in a deep emotional way. We are in what can be called the honeymoon phase of a relationship, the first few months when it's all wonderful. That pain of not being in a relationship has gone away.
But something interesting happens as we leave the honeymoon phase. Some pain returns. Because the next phase of relationship, the me/us period, requires us to get back to our own lives some, to separate from our mate a bit and focus on our own goals and interests, not just doing things with our partner. The second phase of relationship is about balancing relationship needs with personal needs like career or spending time with same sex friends.
In the me/us phase, we still love our mate. But perhaps they seem to be too distant, and we might start to feel unloved. Or perhaps they seem too clingy, and we start to feel smothered. Maybe they start to show up for us like they need too much space, or they are too uncommunicative. Issues arise, small or large between us.
Here's something nobody ever told us. Sure, there's pain in not having a partner, but there is also pain in being in a relationship. And none of us can escape it, there is some pain in just being in a relationship!
We tend to idealize relationships because of the honeymoon phase. We think we should always feel so loved and loving and at one with our mate. But that phase doesn't last. It cant last. A relationship isn't meant to be the source of all our happiness and love. There are other journeys in life we must take.
So understand this insight: there will be pain in your relationship. It might be light pain, like wondering if your mate truly loves you anymore, or it may be sharp pain, like fighting and arguing. It might be a low ache, like feeling lonely inside your relationship, or a harsh slap, like feeling rejected by your partner.
To start with, understand that pain comes with any intimate relationship. If you are feeling the pain of loneliness or the pang of worrying about your choice in mate, it's all right. No need to run. No need to go have an affair or end your relationship. Because another relationship will have pain too.
So if you can allow the pains that arise in your relationship to be okay, if you don't run or blame your mate for all the pain, then you can grow through the pain. You can mature. Because a great relationship will have some pain along with the joy.
About the Author:
You can learn much more about this in the free course 7 Vital Relationship Insights Your Mamma Never Taught You at Help With Relationships . Johnnie S Laney teaches relationship and emotional intelligence courses and you can get more here Love Relationship Help Quotes.
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