Tuesday, 30 June 2009

Surviving An Affair In One Piece

By Kenya X. Wauch

Perhaps, the most devastating experience that can ever happen in your marriage is an affair. You find yourself asking if surviving an affair is a realistic possibility. It is an understatement to say that your spouse cheating on you causes an unbelievable amount of emotional strain. It may be difficult if not impossible to examine the event rationally when your mind is clouded by feelings of betrayal and anger.

This fact alone accounts for why most extramarital affairs lead to divorce. Often, it is because one or both parties believe that maintaining the marriage is impossible once infidelity is revealed. You might wonder if this has to be the case.

If you know how, it is possible to overcome the heartbreak, anger, and betrayal of that affair and rekindle the love you shared for a new lease on your marriage. It's not to difficult to reason that those couples that have worked past an affair end up having better marriages as a result.

By now, you want to know how to surviving an affair is possible. What is it that makes this seemingly insurmountable task possible?

The starting point has to be ridding yourself of any bad feelings you and your spouse may be feeling. There is no good reason to hold onto these feelings. This step is essential for any plan to bring about marital reconcilation. This can be a battle in itself when you are seething with resentment and anger. The guilt and remorse of the cheating spouse is not a target to be abused but a chance for growth and healing. The path to forgiveness is important for continued success.

An affair is often a matter of some deficiency in the relationship. This might be caused by a failure to meet emotional needs or provide love and affection. If this is true, then maybe both members of the relationship could begin addressing those needs or attempting to find the problem with these aspects. This is done through communication, which may give you a clue to what you did wrong that contributed to the affair. This is the only way of surviving an affair with your marriage intact.

Without trust, you have no basis for salvaging your marriage. You have to be willing to spend the time to repair the damage to trust in the relationship. A good maxim for this process is that the past is in the past. The cheated partner should be shown that you are putting in the effort to win back their confidence. For the cheated spouse, a willing mind and an openness to chances for a blank slate are a must.

The ordeal of surviving an affair will require both patience and time. There is no good reason to rush through things since you increase the likelihood that your marriage will completely disintegrate. Putting too much pressure on the other person is counterproductive when they're not ready to deal with a certain aspect of the healing process.

In the end, if you and your spouse are committed to working together, then surviving an affair is not only possible but also very likely. You can come out of it with a steadier marriage and better understanding of one another.

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