It's common among my matchmaking clients: they're separated and dating, but they don't want to be. In fact many of them are just trying to make their ex jealous. After a bunch of go-nowhere dates, most women turn to me and admit it: "Carrie, to be honest I really want to get my ex husband back. I just don't know what to do."
Sound familiar? If you're in this situation (even if you're not dating) then you need to read closely. Saving your marriage is hard work, and you need to get yourself on the right track before you even consider winning him back. These 5 points are your first vital steps.
1. Do you want your husband...or just want to be a wife? Make sure that you want him back because you still love him...not because you're scared to be alone or are ashamed of "failure". Write down all the things you love about him and about your marriage together, and discuss it with a good friend. Sometimes, they see things that we don't.
2. Take a reality check. While most relationships can be repaired, it can only happen if you're honest about your role in what spurred the breakup. Even if you're angry with him, take stock of what you did to contribute to the rift. And decide if you can forgive him for his actions as well. If you can't let what happened go, it'll follow you right back into your relationship.
3. Keep your emotions in check. If you contact him and you're a weepy mess, you may do even more damage. It's fine to let it out when you're alone or with friends, but if you're talking to him you need to stay strong and in control of your feelings. That's far more attractive, and it will help you feel more confident.
4. Live your life. Don't spend your days wondering about what he's doing. Do things that make you feel better. Do your hair, your nails, your makeup. Wear clothes that feel good. Hang out with your pals. Show your ex (and yourself) that you're a vital, confident person with a full life. That goes a long way to proving to him that you're handling the breakup well...and that you're the attractive, fun woman he fell in love with.
While this isn't some dirty trick, it does have a psychological effect on him. When you're not in constant contact with him and out doing your own thing, it makes him think about you...what you're doing, where you're going, how you're feeling. He gets the chance to miss you, and chances are he'll pick up the phone and want to talk.
5. When he calls, be friendly but keep it short. Don't bring up any issues, just chat about unimportant stuff. If he wants to see you, that's fine but take it slow. This is not you getting back together...it's just preliminary. Look great, but meet as friends. Don't bring up the relationship, and don't let him touch or kiss you (a hug when you leave is fine.) It's important right now to leave the ball in his court and let him see what he's missing by not being with you.
If you take care of yourself first, you can start saving your marriage from a position of strength and openness. And that makes the whole process much, much easier!
Sound familiar? If you're in this situation (even if you're not dating) then you need to read closely. Saving your marriage is hard work, and you need to get yourself on the right track before you even consider winning him back. These 5 points are your first vital steps.
1. Do you want your husband...or just want to be a wife? Make sure that you want him back because you still love him...not because you're scared to be alone or are ashamed of "failure". Write down all the things you love about him and about your marriage together, and discuss it with a good friend. Sometimes, they see things that we don't.
2. Take a reality check. While most relationships can be repaired, it can only happen if you're honest about your role in what spurred the breakup. Even if you're angry with him, take stock of what you did to contribute to the rift. And decide if you can forgive him for his actions as well. If you can't let what happened go, it'll follow you right back into your relationship.
3. Keep your emotions in check. If you contact him and you're a weepy mess, you may do even more damage. It's fine to let it out when you're alone or with friends, but if you're talking to him you need to stay strong and in control of your feelings. That's far more attractive, and it will help you feel more confident.
4. Live your life. Don't spend your days wondering about what he's doing. Do things that make you feel better. Do your hair, your nails, your makeup. Wear clothes that feel good. Hang out with your pals. Show your ex (and yourself) that you're a vital, confident person with a full life. That goes a long way to proving to him that you're handling the breakup well...and that you're the attractive, fun woman he fell in love with.
While this isn't some dirty trick, it does have a psychological effect on him. When you're not in constant contact with him and out doing your own thing, it makes him think about you...what you're doing, where you're going, how you're feeling. He gets the chance to miss you, and chances are he'll pick up the phone and want to talk.
5. When he calls, be friendly but keep it short. Don't bring up any issues, just chat about unimportant stuff. If he wants to see you, that's fine but take it slow. This is not you getting back together...it's just preliminary. Look great, but meet as friends. Don't bring up the relationship, and don't let him touch or kiss you (a hug when you leave is fine.) It's important right now to leave the ball in his court and let him see what he's missing by not being with you.
If you take care of yourself first, you can start saving your marriage from a position of strength and openness. And that makes the whole process much, much easier!
About the Author:
You may be asking "But once I get my ex husband back, can we recapture the romance we had when our marriage was new?" Yes, you can...IF you know the powerful Pattern Breaking technique. Find out what it is, how to use it and more at http://SecondChanceAtLove.info
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